A Heart Divided Ch. 07

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Warning to the reader: this chapter, as many of you know, will deal with the issue of abortion. If that is a sensitive or difficult topic for you, you may want to skip down the page a bit once the conversation and plot turns that direction.

*****

The next week was the week before finals, so I was busy at work, trying to wrap up the semester. Gina was frantically busy getting her work done for the end of her semester. She admitted that she had “spent more time fucking than studying” but then said she regretted none of it, except maybe some of the studying. Consequently, we didn’t plan to see each other at all that week, aside from the occasional jog, and I knew I wouldn’t see her during exam week, though I half expected a booty call at some point when she got stressed.

In the meantime, Lynn and I made it to the first counseling session. The counselor quickly got reacquainted with us while looking over her notes from the year before. Once she learned that Lynn had left and been gone for 9 months after our last session, she asked me to leave the room for a bit. I went into the waiting area and flipped through magazines for 20 minutes. Then Lynn came out to the waiting area and the counselor motioned for me to join her in the office. Our counselor was about my mom’s age, but she was very professional and direct, not at all exuding a motherly “vibe.”

“I’m sorry to make you wait, but in situations where a wife leaves like that, there’s usually some abuse involved, and I had to have a private, frank discussion with your wife.”

My eyes widened, and I realized that in some ways the deck was stacked against me if I pushed for a divorce. The husband seldom comes out looking like anything but a bad guy.

“I’ll call Lynn back in a moment, but first I need to ask you one or two things. While Lynn was gone, did you have a relationship with another woman?”

Since Lynn already knew, I saw no reason to lie. “Yes. Once I thought Lynn wasn’t coming back…and she wasn’t calling me…and…”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not asking you to defend yourself. I’m just trying to get the facts that we need to deal with together. So my next question- does your wife know about this?”

“She knows it happened- that’s all.”

“Good. That’s…that’s actually good. And are you still in a relationship with that woman?”

“Yes.”

She held a good poker face during these questions, but she winced the slightest bit at that news.

“Do you plan to continue in that relationship?”

“For now, yes. I don’t know if it’s going to work with Lynn- I’m pretty hurt by all that she did. And I’m…I love this other woman. It’s too soon to say if we have a future together, but I’d been planning to work on that when Lynn reappeared…”

“OK. Well, I’m going to bring Lynn back in here, and it’s not my place to tell her anything about this other woman- that’s your decision to make. But am I right in saying that if I asked you to cut off contact with her that you would refuse?”

“Definitely. I’d sooner leave Lynn.”

“I was afraid of that. But you’re still willing to work on your marriage? Trying to have it both ways?”

“No. I’m willing to wait while Lynn shows me that she’s going to work on it, too. Then I’ll be ready to think about it. I’m not going to leave a good thing just to go back to the shitty marriage I had last year.”

“I hope it’s not too late at that point, Gareth, but we can only work with what we have, not with what we want.” She stood up and opened the door, beckoning to Lynn.

The three of us talked for a another ten minutes, and then after some questions about our schedule, she gave us our homework assignment.

“Two key things were missing from your marriage when Lynn left. Communication and time together.” Mentally I added a third- sex. “So this week, Lynn, you are going to answer all of Gareth’s questions about what you were thinking and feeling and why you made the choices you made- leading up to and following your departure. Gareth, your job is to ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. Don’t give up until you are satisfied that you can explain to me what was going on. I took notes on my discussion with Lynn, and I will ask you questions next time to see how well you can recount what she shared with me.”

Lynn and I both shifted in our seats. That sounded both easy and hard.

“As for time together, Gareth you naturally are upset and want some distance. But if you are serious about giving Lynn a chance, you have to be present, you have to give her the opportunity. And so for the next week, you are to sit down together for at least two meals a day. No interrogations during the meals, Gareth, and try not to argue. Just have meals together- go out if you can. Talk. Get reacquainted. Try to feel like a couple again. Go back to your favorite places together. If you can do all that, it will be good progress. Don’t come back if you haven’t done it, OK?”

“That’s it?” we asked together, canlı bahis şirketleri me with relief, Lynn with disappointment. Without having discussed it, I think Lynn and I both expected the sex assignment again- Lynn with hope, me with some reluctance. Surprised by our reaction, she looked up from her folder, peering through her glasses.

“Yes…that’s all for now. You’ll find out that it’s plenty. I hope to see you next week- same time.”

*******

It wasn’t an easy week at first. I asked a lot of questions, many of which made Lynn uncomfortable or upset, but she answered them. I still stayed in the guest bedroom, and we had breakfast together every morning. Lynn came to campus a few times, either to bring me lunch or to take me out for lunch. We went to a few nice dinners. Our conversation stayed civil over meals, and after a few days we even laughed together over some story from our past.

During one of our lunches that week, we were in my office, Lynn sitting across the desk from me, both of us having lunch meat sandwiches that Lynn had prepared. There was a knock on my door and I said, “Come in.”

I started choking on a bite of my sandwich when Gina opened the door. Fortunately, Lynn’s back was to the door, so she didn’t see Gina’s reaction- a mixture of surprise and disappointment. Lynn turned around while I took a drink of water, and Gina said, “Oh, I’m sorry Professor. I am just…stressed out over a…paper. And I was hoping you could clear up a few things.”

“Oh…well…the, uh, TA should be around this afternoon…or you can find me after class.”

Lynn watched Gina casually during our stilted conversation.

“Yeah, I saw the TA and he…couldn’t really find the problem. I was hoping you could…put your finger on it.”

How did she manage to say that without laughing?

“Well, uh…miss…come up to me during the class break and we can talk.” As I said this, I held up four fingers and pointed down at my desk, hoping Gina understood to meet me there at 4. Gina nodded and said OK, and by the time Lynn turned back to face me, I was already taking another bite. Gina closed the door as she left, and Lynn smirked.

“Do you get that a lot?”

“Students with questions? Yeah, especially around exam week.”

“No, I mean the girls coming and looking all flustered and starry-eyed.”

Fortunately, Lynn took my awkward expression as just my usual ineptitude around women.

“Honestly Gareth, you just don’t know how women see you, do you?” She reached her foot under the desk and rubbed my calf. I pulled back a bit and said, “She…They’re just kids, Lynn. Some of them are barely 18. It’s hard to even talk to them.” She didn’t seem suspicious, but I was still extra relieved when she left.

Gina did come back at 4, and we repeated our earlier adventure of her getting fingered on my lap. We remembered to turn off the light that time, and I had to put a hand over her mouth as she came, because there were still a number of people passing by in the hallway. Afterward, as she cleaned herself up, I explained Lynn’s presence by telling her about the assignment from the counselor. Gina didn’t seem to mind either way, she was pretty distracted by papers and exams.

“Just make sure you’re free next Thursday afternoon,” she said. I gave her a questioning look and she explained, “My roommates are leaving for the summer that morning. I have the place to myself…” Her voice went up at the end, suggestively, with anticipation.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was already aroused from having Gina climax on my lap with my finger working between her folds. To think ahead to being with her again, but to have to wait another week…

“I’ll be gone this weekend,” I reminded her. She stopped and looked up, thinking. “The interview- the real one.”

“Oh…OK- well, I’ll be studying. Have a good time!”

As she left, I realized I should wash my hands before going home- and change my pants. I remembered my running gear was in my trunk, and I decided to run home that afternoon, hopefully working off the growing horniness that was becoming a problem that week.

*******

Thursday was our second counseling session. The counselor grilled me about Lynn’s choices and motivations, and after 20 minutes, she was surprised by how well I had understood Lynn. I had been motivated to genuinely understand what happened, and that, according to our counselor, was very good. Then she dismissed Lynn and asked me all kinds of questions about how I felt when Lynn left and before she left. Calling Lynn back, she gave Lynn the same grilling.

When Lynn failed to answer most of the questions, the counselor pointed out that because we weren’t communicating, we were making a lot of assumptions about each other and were both acting on those assumptions. Naturally, we were getting upset and it was driving us apart. The only thing we could do about that was talk more- to talk intentionally about canlı kaçak iddaa these things, voicing and clarifying our assumptions. I was impressed by how enlightening our time with her was. I wished we had been able to go through these things before Lynn had left, and I imagined how different the last year would have been.

During the last 15 minutes, she talked with us about dealing with changes in marriage. She explained that, in reality, you marry a lot of different people. Your spouse will change in a lot of ways over your life together, and if you expect them to be the same person now that they were 5, 10, or 20 years ago, then you will be disappointed.

For homework, she told us to individually write a list of ways in which our spouse had changed over the past 7 years, marking which changes we thought were good and which we thought were bad. We could talk about it as a couple or we could talk about it in the next session. She warned us that we were not to expect or hope that the other person would “unchange,” going back to the way they used to be. “Marriage is a commitment to be with one person for the rest of your life, knowing that the person will not always be the same as they are on the day you make that commitment. You are really committing yourself to a process, not a product. When we forget that, we lose any chance of being happy together.”

As we got up to leave, she said, “And one more thing. I’d like you to try again to finish your first assignment from last year. Sex every day until our next session.” Lynn looked at me and I clenched my jaw, looking at the counselor. Seeing our reactions, she straightened up and pulled her glasses off.

“Oooohhhh. So you haven’t had sex yet?”

“Not yet,” said Lynn just as I answered, “No.”

“Well,” said the counselor with a half-smile, “I hope to see you next week…”

*******

We got in the car in silence. After we were on the road, I glanced at Lynn in the passenger’s seat and said, “You know I’m leaving today for my interview.”

“Yeah, I know,” she said, pulling out her phone.

“I’ll be gone until Sunday night.”

“Yep,” she said, tapping away and emotionless. “The red-eye flight, right? Leaving at 6:30?”

“Yeah. So I’ll be leaving for the airport right after we get back.”

“Correction. We will leave for the airport. I just booked a flight to go with you.”

Pulling up to a red light, I stopped the car and looked over at Lynn. She smiled, danced in her seat and said in a sing-song voice, “I’m getting laid tonight, I’m getting laid tonight…”

I bit back a smile. My, how the tables had turned…

*******

We got back to the house and Lynn ran inside. She was up the stairs and packing a bag before I even got through the door. Less than 3 minutes later, she was back in the living room, pulling a small carry-on suitcase behind her.

“You have never taken less than an hour to pack for a trip before,” I commented.

“Well, I didn’t want you to leave without me. And…I don’t expect to need much this weekend. Just clothes for the flights, maybe something for a dinner out, work-out clothes for the hotel gym…but the rest of the time I am going to be in the room…naked. I’ll be your little sex slave all weekend.” She was downright giddy.

I groaned, thinking about how I hadn’t been with Gina for a while, how I couldn’t help but desire Lynn, and how I was obligated to fulfill our homework assignment. Just below the surface, I knew that I really, really wanted to have sex with Lynn. Really. But I had wanted to try to be faithful to Gina, and I liked denying Lynn after she had denied me for so long. Gina knew it was inevitable that Lynn and I would have sex again, and that didn’t seem to bother her greatly. But I couldn’t let Lynn think I was looking forward to this, especially with what I had planned for out first time back together…

*******

“Kiss me Gareth, please?” Lynn was on top of me, naked, having just finally gotten my pants off me. We were in the hotel room after an uneventful trip. It was late, and we were both tired, but Lynn was not letting this opportunity pass. She had taken me in her mouth to get me hard (and I was reminded of how much better oral sex was with Gina), then had stripped naked. I looked around impassively, then took off my shirt and lay down on the bed. Lynn had pulled of my pants and was rubbing her slit along my length. I lay there with my hands at my sides, staring at the ceiling.

“I’d rather not mess around with foreplay. Just go ahead an get this over with.” I was trying, obviously, to mimic her behavior from the first time we had been given this assignment- the time when she stared up with those vacant eyes and waited for me to finish using her body. It was, admittedly, difficult to hold back. When a woman as beautiful as Lynn is trying to have sex with you, a guy can’t just pretend he’s not interested.

Lynn seemed to have some sense of what I was doing, so canlı kaçak bahis she raised herself up and took hold of my cock to line it up with her very wet entrance. “Well, see if you can be Mr. Get-This-Over-With once you’re inside this…tight…pussy!” she said, pushing herself down on me. It felt good. It felt soooo so good. I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes, stifling a groan. When I opened my eyes, Lynn was looking at me with a knowing smirk. Then she closed her own eyes and lay down on top of me.

Wrapping her arms around me, she said, “It’s been too long Gare. Too long.” Then lifting her head, she looked into my eyes and said, “You’re really not going to kiss me?”

“I’m tired, Lynn. Can you just hurry up and finish?”

She sighed and started moving around- slowly. She held her face next to mine so that I could hear her slightest grunts and groans next to my ear. After getting used to condoms with Gina, sex without one was like watching High Definition TV again after having used an older TV for a while. It felt better- I could feel her wetness and warmth so much more vividly.

“Ooohhh, I haven’t felt like this is ages. I’m so alive, Gare.”

Her skin did feel so nice against mine, and I resisted the urge to kiss and fondle her heavy breasts that were resting on my chest.

“Do you want to get on top?” she whispered.

“Nah,” I said, trying to sound bored.

“Do you want to fuck me hard from behind?”

“No thanks.”

“Do you want to finish in my mouth?”

She had never done that before. I knew she was desperate for a reaction. “Not really. Just go ahead and finish. I’m starting to get a little raw down there.”

I doubted that she remembered saying those words last July, but I felt a cruel satisfaction in throwing them back in her face.

Lynn gave up talking and closed her eyes. Her hands went all over, touching every part of my body she could reach. She kissed my neck and cheek and I could hear her building towards release. Propping herself up over me, she started grinding our crotches together until she came with a shudder and a cry.

“oooaaahhh … yeah … yeah! … baby, I- … I- … nnnngghhhhAAAAA!”

Her long hair came down and tickled my shoulders as she moaned and convulsed. I gripped the sheets to keep myself from touching her. I watched bumps rise all around her aureoles, I listened to the sound of her wetness squishing around me and felt the inviting squeeze of her tunnel. She lowered herself and hugged me. As she caught her breath, she asked, “How do you want to finish?”

“Looked to me like you just did,” I said, and tapped her shoulder a few times. She rolled off me and I got up to clean myself off in the bathroom. I came back a few minutes later in my briefs and a t-shirt, wishing my dick were fully soft.

Lynn was still in the bed, looking at me in confusion. “You’re serious? You don’t want to…”

When I didn’t answer, she got up and used the bathroom, coming back to bed naked. I turned off the light and tried to go to sleep. Lynn’s body curled up behind me didn’t help at all.

For at least 30 minutes I lay there- frustrated and thinking. After a while my erection finally settled down. I knew it was pride that was making me act this way. But was it worth it? I wanted Lynn to hurt like I had hurt, but what good would come of that? Besides, if it meant I was giving myself blue balls, it seemed like a pretty stupid plan. I kept listening for Lynn’s breathing to indicate that she had fallen asleep. Then I could move over and jerk off. But after a half hour, she didn’t seem any closer to sleep than I was, and she was still spooning behind me, her arm wrapped around my chest, casually running her fingers through my chest hair.

“Gare?” she said softly.

I waited a moment, then said, “Yeah?”

“Why are you being this way? Is it because of her?”

“I just though it would help if you understood how I felt lest year.” Wow. Putting it that way actually made sense.

“How did you feel, Gare? Tell me.”

“How do you feel right now?”

She thought about it, then said, “I feel unwanted. Unloved. Unlovable. Unattractive. A lot of ‘un’s’. I feel hurt and betrayed. I feel lonely. I feel confused…” I could tell she was nearing tears.

“Yeah. That’s a good start. Every time you said ‘no’ without a reason. Every time you ‘let’ me have sex with your body but just stared at the ceiling. Every time I wanted to talk about it and you brushed it off…yeah, I felt a lot of ‘un’s’.”

“Was it really that bad?”

“I wanted to have sex with you, not just because I was horny but because I loved you. Imagine 6 months of that, Lynn. Imagine wanting to know what I had done wrong or how I had failed you. Imagine feeling every day like I was no longer loved by anyone, because even my wife didn’t want to look at me. I mean, how pathetic did I have to be for the woman who promised to ‘never say no’ to decide that she couldn’t do that anymore? Or maybe…maybe it was that she had gotten to really know me, and what she learned just disgusted her- the person in the world who knew me best was turning me away. I thought I must be totally unlovable. Yeah, Lynn, it was really that bad.”

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